


After the nightmare, grief

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [4]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s03e10 Forever in a Day, Episode: s03e11 Past and Present, Friendship, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23946883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Daniel isn't coping well with Sha're's death. Jack helps him to mourn.
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Kudos: 35





	After the nightmare, grief

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just play with them. Non-commercial purposes intended.

Of all the nightmares he had lived these last two and a half years, this was, without any doubt, the worst.

The other times he had felt such pain, the nightmares had lasted just some hours. Two times he had thought Jack, Sam, and Teal’ were dead. And in both cases, he had been reunited with his unscathed friends in no more than a day. The first time was after blowing up Apophis’ ship and the second time after being caught in Hathor’s clutches. On both occasions, there had been no bodies to prove the tragedy and in both cases, he had awakened from the nightmare in a few hours. That time in Hathor’s ship it had been especially tough. He had witnessed in shock how Jack had been infested by a goa'uld. Fortunately, everything had ended well.

Not this time. This time he wasn’t going to wake up from the nightmare. Three weeks had passed. This time there wasn't any room for doubts. This time there wasn’t any hope, no miracle to be expected. No hoax to be revealed. This time there was irrefutable evidence. This time there was a body, a body that was laying under seven feet of sand on a planet that he had called once home. Sha're's lifeless body rested buried on Abydos, all hope of saving her shattered by the shot of a staff blast. Three weeks had passed, and the hole taking up the space where once his heart had been, hadn't moved an inch. He raised a hand and put the palm over his chest. He felt nothing, no beat. Just a big heap of emptiness.

To make things worst, he had fallen like an idiot into that Kira/The destroyer of worlds’ arms, faulting to Sha're's memory and probably smashing to pieces the chance to explore his relationship with Jack further. He felt as if he had cheated on Sha're and on Jack at the same time. No wonder his friend had been so pissed during the whole incident.

He had screwed it up big time and now Jack was barely talking to him. It was his well-earned punishment. Idiot. No, worse than that. Even idiots deserved to be loved. He was nothing, less than nothing. A big bunch of vacuum. He didn't deserve anything good, much less, love.

He bent his body over the kitchen table to grab the half-empty bottle and refilled his glass. He stared at the amber liquid for a few moments. How many had he had anyway? Was it the third or the fourth. Who cared? He emptied the glass in a single gulp. He tried to focus in the little bright spots of light reflected on the glass, but his mind kept going to the same image over and over again, like a never-ending loop: The sparks of a staff blast, the black, smoky hole on Sha're's chest and her dying body crumpling to the ground.

A sudden loud thud startled him. Did it sound at his front door? He tried to ignore it but more thuds reverberated at the door. Was there someone calling his name? Maybe a neighbor had run out of salt while cooking. Fuck him. Or her. He didn't move. He didn't want to see anyone. He just wanted to stay there and drink into oblivion. The noise continued. Yep, definitely, someone was knocking at his door. Hard.

“Daniel! Daniel, open the door!”

Jack?

“I won't leave until you open that door, so move your ass or I'll knock the door down. You know I can do it!”

Jack was at his door? He was the last person he'd have expected. He didn't want to talk to him. The last thing he wanted right now was to confront his anger.

“Daniel! I know you're here. Open the damn door!” The thuds increased its volume.

“Leavf mmee alowne , J’ck!” he shouted. Wow, was that his voice?

“Daniel! I heard you! Open that door, now!”

Knowing the colonel wouldn't give up, he stood up. He staggered as a wave of dizziness hit him and leaned on the table for a few seconds.

“Daniel!!”

“’kay, ‘kay, I'm comm'n.” He went to the door wobbling and opened it.

Jack was thinking of forcing the door when he heard Daniel coming. His friend opened the door and his heart collapsed beyond the floor. He wasn't wearing his glasses and his eyes were bright, the pupils dilated and unfocused. His hair was disheveled, there were stains in his shirt and he stank to whiskey.

“I opp'nd the doorrr, h’ppy naw?”

“Daniel, are you drunk?” The colonel tone was harsh.

“Yu see, yu're not duuuum’ yur smm'rt. Yu c'nt bee a col…colon'l iff yo'r dum'b,” he giggled.

Seeing his friend’s condition, Jack’s tone saddened. “God, Danny, what have you done to yourself?”

The archaeologist ignored him, staggered back to the kitchen, and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. His friend closed the door and followed him.

Daniel, you can barely stand a beer. Do you have any idea what this could do to you? ” The older man was heartbroken. Since Sha’re’s death Daniel had been shutting everyone down and claiming he was ok. He never believed him, but he had been stupid enough to let him push him aside. Why the hell hadn’t he tried harder? He should have come to his apartment much sooner.

Suddenly the archaeologist’s eyes went wide open. He dropped the bottle, stood up in a rush, covered his mouth with one hand, wrapped his stomach with the other one, and made a wobbling beeline to the bathroom.

He barely made it to the toilet. He dropped to his knees and threw up painfully. His stomach and throat were on fire. He clutched his belly harder and went on retching.

Jack gave him a couple of minutes of privacy and then went to check on him. He found his friend dropped to the floor, still gagging and spitting remains of bile. He grabbed a towel, wetted it in the sink, and kneeled next to the younger man. He started to rub the damp cloth across his brow and nape while drawing smoothing circles along his back. Daniel retched for a few more minutes and then he stopped. He was panting hard.

“You finished?” Jack asked empathetically.

Daniel nodded his answer. Jack flushed the toilet and sat on the floor, his back resting on the tiles wall. He helped his friend to sit between his legs. He placed the younger man’s head on his shoulder and went on brushing his brow, face, and neck with the wet towel. Daniel wrapped both arms around his stomach. He was still feeling quite queasy. They stayed there for some minutes, the archaeologist panting until his breathing became more even.

“Better?”

Daniel nodded again weakly.

“Now, my friend, no offense intended, but you stink. I think you could use a shower.” Jack emphasized his remark waving a hand in front of his nose.

“Nooot yuurr ffrr’nd anym’r, yuu hattte me.”

Jack’s heart skipped a beat. Was it possible that Daniel was feeling like that?

“Aw, Danny, why do you say that?”

“I wasss s…st'pidd. I kiss'd KK'ra. I cheat'd on Sha'ddde ‘nd on yow and you got angry.”

Jack tried to conceal the gloom that was spreading in his insides. “Danny, Danny, com'on, lets put you under the water, ok? You're not thinking straight. Can you stand up?

The younger man nodded lightly.

“Ok, com'on, big guy.”

Jack moved from behind his friend and helped him to stand up and sit down on the toilet. He removed his shirt, shoes, and socks. He looked at him and met lost puppy's eyes gazing him back.

“J',ck, do yow still lik' mme?” He sounded like a lost child. Jack’s heart sank.

“Aw, Danny… “ He cupped his cheek and brushed the thumb across it. “Yes, I still like you" He smiled fondly.

“But yow wouldn't ta'k to mmee.”

The colonel was confused. He had tried to talk to Daniel. It was the archaeologist that had shut him down. “We'll talk after the shower, ok? com'on, stand up.”

Daniel obeyed. Jack reached his pants’ fly and the younger man stepped backward.

“I… I cann do dis.”

Jack held his shoulders to steady him. He was still swinging, but he managed to take off his pants and boxers. The colonel stripped to his boxers and settled the water to the right temperature. He helped Daniel to step into the shower stall. The archaeologist startled when the water touched his body.

“Damn! Dat's co’d!”

“You'll feel better after this, believe me.” Daniel staggered dangerously. “Well, this is if you don't fall and break your head before, of course. Let me help you.”

Jack stepped into the stall and stood behind his friend, holding him tightly. Daniel was feeling too worn out to fight him, so he let him take control. The older man got the shampoo and the soap and washed his friend thoroughly. Somehow the cold water was slowly bringing Daniel back to his senses.

Jack noticed he had stopped swinging and had started trembling.

“Jack, enough, enough please, I'm freezinggg.”

The colonel turned off the water. “Feeling better?” he asked.

Daniel nodded and slurred, “coooold, cold”. His teeth were chattering.

Although Jack usually tolerated well cold water, he wasn't so warm himself, so they stepped out the stall and he helped his friend to sit down on the toilet again. He grabbed two big towels and wrapped Daniel with one of them.

“Just stay here for a minute" He ordered. He dried himself, quickly got dressed and left the bathroom. One minute later he came back with clean boxers, socks, a T-shirt and sweatpants.

“Here, get dressed. Do you need help?”

Daniel looked at him with eyes that expressed a mixture of emotions: sadness, guilt, fear, shame. “No, no, I can do it myself. You can… mmm…”

“I'll go to prepare some coffee, ok?”

Daniel nodded. Then, before leaving, Jack brushed his wet hair with his fingers, leaned forward, and plant a tender kiss on his brow. He left for the kitchen leaving a stunned archaeologist in the bathroom.

When he arrived at the kitchen, the first thing the colonel did was to empty the bottle of whiskey down the sink. Then he prepared two mugs of strong dark coffee and waited for his friend on the couch. A few minutes later, Daniel came in and sat next to him. He looked pale and defeated, but at least he wasn't swinging anymore. He took his coffee mug and drank a couple of sips.

“Thank you," he slurred.

They sat drinking their coffee quietly for some minutes until Jack fixed his gaze to the floor and began to talk slowly, trying to keep an emotionless tone.

“You know, some years ago, I was… I was hit in Iraq and left behind. I spent four months in jail. It wasn’t pretty.”

Daniel stared at him open-mouthed shocked. “Jack… god…” The colonel went on.

“ When I came back home I was a mess. I was kinda an emotional wreck. On the one hand, I wished to be comforted badly but on the other hand… I flinched every time Sarah tried to touch me. I couldn’t think straight. I was a big bunch of contradictions. So needy, and at the same time not wanting to load my wife with my burden.” He stopped for a few seconds and swallowed before continuing.

“One night, I was so desperate to be comforted but unable to ask for it… I went… I went to a club. It was easier with someone who I wasn't emotionally attached to. It didn't help. Sarah never knew.” He raised his sight and met wet shocked sapphire eyes.

"You are the first person I'm telling this. I’m not proud of what I did, but at that time it seemed the easiest and less painful option. Sometimes human beings grieve in really stupid ways, Daniel. What I mean is, I don't like what you did with that chick, but I can understand.”

The younger man stared at him, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You mean you're not angry with me?”

“You kidding? His friend retorted. “ I'm furious with you!” Then his tone became softer. “But not for what you think. That bitch could have killed you, you know? How could you be so…so…?”

“Idiot? Stupid? Fool?”

"Naïve. Gullible. You're not stupid, Daniel but sometimes, that thing inside you, I don't know, maybe it's something in your glasses that make you see the good in people when anyone else can. Are you sure you got the right prescription? ”

"I'm sorry." Daniel looked down at his shoes. He reminded Jack to a little kid being scolded by the principal.

"Aw, Danny, don’t be. You can't help it. It's what makes you… YOU. And it's one of the many things I love in you. But I'm terrified that someday this is going to put you in serious trouble. Just ... Just promise me you'll be more careful, will you?

“Ok, I'll try.”

“Just try?”

“You said it yourself, it's who I am.”

“Da-ni-el?”

The archaeologist sighed. “Ok, ok, I promise I'll be more careful.”

“That’s better. Anyway, what’s that nonsense you said before? That I wouldn't talk to you?”

“You didn't since Sha're…” He frowned and looked confused. “Not as you used to, at least.”

Jack reached a hand and cupped Daniel’s cheek. He looked at him intensely. He wanted to communicate with his eyes as much as with his words.”

“Daniel, you shut down as a seashell after the funeral. I tried to talk to you and you pushed me away. And I have to admit that it hurt. A lot. You rejected all my proposals to come to my house and hang out for a while. And at the base, you only went along with conversations about work. Every time I tried to talk about what happened you just said you were ok, that you were coping. Eventually, I guessed you just needed your time and I stopped asking. Obviously, I made a mistake. I should have pushed harder, I should have come here sooner.”

“I'm coping.”

“Get drunk until you spill out your guts doesn’t look like coping to me, Daniel.”

The archaeologist looked away and his expression saddened further. “It’s just that… when you stopped asking, I thought that…”

“What, that I didn't care?” The colonel sounded hurt.

Daniel made a mental recall of the last three weeks. Had he been so shocked that he hadn't even heard Jack's attempts to communicate? His friend read the mental havoc in his face.

“You don’t get it, Daniel, don’t you? You don't need to go through this alone. And for sure you didn’t need Kira. We all care for you. Me, Carter, Teal’c, Janet, the general. We're family Danny. Families members care for each other and help each other in tough moments.”

“Family?” Daniel's confusion increased.

“Yes, family. Not in blood, but in heart and soul. So let us help you.”

Then Jack read something else in his friend’s facial expression. Guilt. Crap. Daniel was riding one of his famous guilt trips.

“Is it about guilt, Daniel?” He asked empathetically. “Do you think you have to be punished cause you did something wrong? Is that it? Do you think you don't deserve to be comforted?”

Daniel brushed Jack’s hand away from his face. “Go home, Jack.” He retorted harshly.

Bingo, Royal flush, and Jackpot. “I'm not going anywhere. I thought you were done with all that guilt thing.”

“If only I had…” Daniel’s eyes were still wet, but no tears fell.

"Stop it! Stop it right now! If only what, huh? What's on your mind, Daniel? If only I had reached her in that tent? If only I had acted faster when I found her pregnant on Abydos? If only I hadn't unburied the Stargate? If only I hadn't figure out the Stargate in the first place? What's next Daniel? If only I hadn't published my theories? If only I hadn't studied archeology? If only I hadn't been born?! ”

"Shut up!" Daniel’s teeth clenched and his fists closed hard, but Jack didn’t flinch.

“Daniel, you have to accept what happened to Sha’re… happened, and there is only one person… thing… snake, whatever, to blame. And you know it. And you have to let me help you!

"I don't want your pity!" Daniel’s blue eyes sparkled in anger.

“It's that you think it's all about? Do you think I feel pity for you? ”

The archaeologist sight shadowed. He looked dejected. “ What else could you feel? I’m just a clumsy geek who let his wife been kidnapped and failed her in the end.”

Jack grabbed his chin. Daniel tried to resist but the colonel’s hold was tight.

“Aaah, Danny. I don't feel pity for you, that's for stray puppies. God, Daniel, don’t you realize how I love you, you idiot? Even if we don’t have anything physical? I don’t want to hear you referring to yourself as a clumsy geek. your pain is my pain. I see you hurting and I'm dying to see you smiling again. I want to hug you, to hold you every time you cry. I want to share your grief, I want to walk next to you every step of the way.”

Daniel looked at him with anguish. “Just tell me one day I'll be able to breathe again.”

“You will, Daniel. With time it will get better, I promise, but you have to stop punishing yourself and let yourself mourn Sha’re.”

“How do you do it, Jack? I don't know how to do it.”

“You will find your way, but you have to let me help you.”

“How do you do it? How do you mourn Charlie?”

A sad smile appeared on Jack’s lips. “You know I couldn't do it at the beginning. Hell, I almost blew up a bomb on my face. But I learned to do it, eventually. Now, I visit his grave from time to time and I talk to him. I tell him about stuff, you know, missions, friends, baseball, hockey… stuff.”

“Does it helps?”

“It’s weird but it makes me feel like somehow, even if I can't see him, a part of him is living in me. Now I don't see his body lying on a pool of blood every time I close my eyes. Now I can see him beating the baseball ball, laughing under tickles’ fights, eating his favorite ice-cream…”

“Sha're had a wonderful laugh,” he said wistfully.

“And you can go to Abydos from time to time. And also you have to let yourself cry, Daniel. I haven't seen you cry since she died. Have you? You know how liberating tears are.”

“I can't… I just.. can't.”

“I’ve seen you cry with guilt, fear, frustration and anger. What’s different now?”

The younger man shrugged.

“ Daniel, how did you do it with your parents?”

“What?”

“Your parents, when they died, how did you mourn them?”

“I… I… I didn't. I couldn’t.”

“What do you mean you couldn't?”

Daniel looked at the ceiling for a few seconds and blinked back tears. Then he sighed loudly and started to talk in a weak tone, gaze focused on an invisible spot on the floor. 

“Hmm, well, huh… when they died, when the cover stone fell, I remember I started to call them and then someone got me out of the way and I was so scared… I hide behind a column and there was a lot of noise, people screaming and I covered my ears with my hands. Everybody forgot about me. I don’t know how much time I stayed like that.” He blew some air out before continuing.

“One of the workers at the museum found me eventually. I was terrified and couldn’t stop crying. They called the police. They took me to a hospital and called social services. They sent me to a sort of shelter. A couple of days later, a relative came. He took me to the funeral but he said he couldn't take care of me, so he left.”

Jack’s fists closed tight. He mentally kicked that relative, whoever he was, but he didn’t interrupt Daniel.

“A week later they left me with my first foster parents, the Thompson, in Middletown. The first night there I was feeling so sad, scared, and abandoned, I started to cry in my room. My foster father came and shouted at me. He told me nobody liked cry-babies, that I was a big boy, that I couldn't stay with them if I cried like a baby. I was so scared I couldn’t stop crying, so he slapped me on the face so hard I fell off the bed and crashed to the floor. He told me if he found me crying again I'd regret it. I got the hint, so I stopped and pretended that everything was ok.”

At that time Jack could only see red. He dug his nails on his palms and tried to control himself. Daniel's voice dropped and he went on with his story.

“Three days later I had a nightmare and I woke up crying. He came to my room in a rush, knocked me to the floor and he started kicking me in the stomach. I woke up in a hospital with three cracked ribs, a broken arm, and a bruised spleen. I was at the hospital for four weeks and then they sent me to a new family in Chicago. They were also into the “big boys don’t cry” speech, so as sad as I felt, I never dared cry again. Things went on quite smoothly from there.

Jack was seeing beyond red, but he understood it wasn’t the time for that now. He took a mental note: “Thompson”. He would deal with that later. He tried to erase the painful images of a beaten little Daniel and concentrated on the issue at hand. So Daniel never mourned his parents. As a child, he was told that to grieve was something bad and annoying. But what about when he grew up?

“Daniel, hmm... have you ever visited your parents grave?”

The younger man shook his head.

“So, are you telling me you weren’t allowed to mourn?”

Daniel nodded sadly.

Daniel, you need to mourn them. You won't be able to grieve Sha’re until you allow yourself to grieve, and that means to grieve your parents first.

Daniel thought for a moment trying to understand what Jack was telling him. Everything made sense. He looked at the older man with pleading eyes.

“I want to go to New York. I want to visit my parent's grave. Will you come with me?

Jack smiled tenderly. “Danny, as Teal’c would say, undomesticated equines…”

***

The next day, while Daniel stayed at home to do a thorough search to locate his parents' grave, Jack went to the mountains and did a thorough search in Daniel's file. Usually, the Air force investigated its employees, exhaustively, so it didn't take long for the colonel to find what he was looking for. Joseph and Margaret Thompson. They fostered Daniel for one week in 1973. There wasn't information about their current whereabouts. Next stop, Carter.

The colonel found the major at her office.

“Carter.”

“Sir?” She noticed the serious tone in his voice. “Is something wrong?”

“You could say that. I need you to do something for me. Do what’s necessary but I need to locate the whereabouts of someone. Name Joseph Thompson. He and his wife Margaret fostered Daniel for a few days just after his parents died.”

“Sir, Daniel is far from ok, isn’t he? Does it have something to do with it?”

“Just do it, Carter, no questions. I take Daniel out for some days. Call me when you have something.

“Yes, sir.”

And with that, he left, leaving behind a very worried Sam.

The next stop was the General’s office. He requested a week permission for Daniel and himself. Hammond, also worried about the archaeologist's emotional state, gave the ok without even questioning.

***

**_Two days later_ **

After a three and a half hours flight from Denver, Daniel and Jack arrived at New York and checked in the hotel. They were staying in a double room with twin queen size beds. While Daniel was in the shower, the colonel cell phone rang. He sat on the bed and answered.

“O'Neill.”

“Sir, it's me. I've got the information you asked.”

“Spill it, Carter,” said Jack trying to maintain a neutral tone, although his blood was boiling inside his veins.

“He is dead, colonel. He was killed in a bar brawl ten years ago. His wife had died of cancer two years earlier.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. “Sir?”

“I heard you, Carter,” he replied drily. He was breathing deeply, trying to digest his contradictory emotions. On the one hand, he was happy the bastard was dead. On the other hand, he felt sorry he couldn't squeeze his neck with his own hands.

“Sir? What did he do? Did he hurt Daniel?” She sounded really concerned.

"It doesn't matter now, Carter. Let's say he is a lucky son of a bitch. ”

"I understand, sir."

"Thank you, Carter. I'll see you in a few days. ”

"Bye, sir. And sir… take care of him. ”

"Always. Bye Carter. " He hung the phone.

At that moment Daniel came out from the bathroom, wearing a bathrobe and drying his hair with a towel. He noticed the crease that had drawn in his friend brow and suddenly went pale.

“Jack, what's wrong? Was it Sam? Is she ok? Teal'c? Janet? Anything happened at the SGC?”

Seeing the growing anxiety in his friend's tone, the older man quickly tried to calm him down.

“What? No, no, everything is fine, they are all ok.”

Daniel breathed a sigh of relief. For a second he had been really scared. He didn't think he could bear another loss right now.

“Then what was that about? Why did Sam call you?”

“Mmmm, nothing, she just had a question about our next mission.”

“What question?”

"Huh?"

"What was Sam’s question? Can I help? ”

"No, no, don't worry, something about Naquada properties."

Daniel's eyebrows rose until they reached his hairline.

“Sam asked you about Naquada properties? Ok, spill. "

"What?" The colonel tried to look innocent.

Jack, don't play dumb. What is it about? ”

"Nothing, forget it, I'm going to shower." He got up but Daniel grabbed him by the arm and made him sit on the bed again. The archaeologist sat next to him.

"Jack, what did you do?"

"Nothing, I swear!"

Daniel narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “This is about what I told you, isn't it? About Thompson?”

Jack lowered his head, guiltily. So many years working in special-ops and he wasn't able to fool his friend for a second.

“Jack, what-did-you-do?”

“Nothing, I just… asked Sam to locate him, but I didn't tell her anything about what he did, I swear!”

“And?”

“And nothing. He is dead. He died years ago in a bar brawl.” He lifted his head and looked at Daniel to check his reaction. The younger man stared at him for a few seconds, his expression unreadable. Then his gaze softened, he smiled and cupped Jack’s face with his hand.

“ You really care, don’t you?”

Jack mirrored his smile. He could feel his heart pounding top speed for the person he loved: this passionate, caring, brave, sensitive, smart man. It took all his strength not to launch on him and start to kiss him like crazy.

“You know I do.”

“I’m not happy he’s dead Jack, but I’m happy you don’t have the chance to do something stupid.”

“Who, moi?” The colonel saw Daniel making a face at his try to look like an innocent puppy. “Ok, ok. You’re right. I hate what he did to you. However, I didn’t have any specific plan. All I know is I wanted him to pay for that somehow. Now I just hope he rots in hell.”

“Let’s forget about him, ok?”

Jack nodded. This trip wasn’t about Thompson. They had more important things to deal with. He caressed Daniel’s hair tenderly for a moment and then went to the shower.

**_Later the same day_ **

**** Jack paid the cab driver and they get off the car. Daniel stood looking at the cemetery's entrance, breathing deeply. He was clutching a large brown envelope against his chest.

“You alright?” The colonel put a hand on his friend’s shoulder and squeezed it in support.

Daniel inhaled and let the air out, blowing slowly. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Com’on, let’s go inside.”

They had pretty clear indications about where the grave was situated, and it didn’t take long to find it. When Daniel saw the names engraved in the stone, he stood in front of it and paralyzed.

Melboune Edward Jackson

October 14th, 1937 – September 6th, 1973

Claire Margaret Ballard-Jackson

March 21st, 1939 – September 6th, 1973

All of a sudden felt the urge to run away. Jack noticed his distress and grab him by the arm.

“Hey, hey, you alright?”

Daniel was staring at the grave with watery eyes, unblinking. A knot formed in his throat. Unable to speak, he just nodded weakly. He clutched the brown envelope towards his chest harder. He grimaced and slowly dropped to his knees.

“Daniel, do you… hmm… I’ll give you some privacy…”

“No!” He reached his hand out and grabbed Jack’s. “Jack, don’t go, please…stay… will you stay with me..? Please…stay…stay…

Jack nodded absently even knowing Daniel couldn’t see him and he kneeled next to him. He put an arm across the archaeologist's shoulders, who looked at him and nodded his thanks. He turned his head towards the grave again and stayed there, just watching. Images of the cover stone falling crossed his mind. He didn’t trust his voice at that point. After a few minutes, he could pull the images away and he relaxed a bit. He sighed and started to talk in a whisper.

“Hi mum, dad, it’s me, Daniel.” He gulped before going on. “I’m sorry I didn’t come here before. It's not that I don’t care, because I do, I do and…and I… I miss you… I miss you so much.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears. Jack squeezed his shoulder, encouraging him to continue.

“I’ve been missing you every day of every year and I wanted to tell you, that… that I love you, I love you two so much… so much. The years I… I spent with you were the… happiest in my life. I want to thank you for being my parents. I couldn’t have had better ones.”

He stopped for a moment, trying to gather strength to continue. That was being tough. So many emotions were playing at the same time: sorrow, homesickness, gratitude, love, pride… there was so much he wanted to express that he feared he couldn’t find enough words.

“You inspired me, you know. I’m an archeologist like you and a linguist. And I have… the most fascinating job I could have ever imagined.”

He looked at Jack for a moment, and he saw so much empathy in his face, that he thought it was impossible to love him more.

“This is Jack,” he told his parents. “We work together. He is my best friend and I love him too. You would have liked him. Although sometimes he has problems with scientists.” He gazed at the colonel and smiled sadly. The older man’s eyes were also bright with emotion. He was feeling Daniel’s pain very close. He chuckled at the remark.

“Mum, dad, I want to ask you… something.” He opened the envelope he was carrying and took the framed photograph that was inside. He stared at it for a few seconds and brushed his fingers softly along the glass. Then he turned it towards the gravestone.

“This is Sha’re.” He gulped again and the first tear fell rolling down his cheek. “She was my wife.” His voice cracked and he couldn’t talk for a few minutes. His lower lip was trembling and more tears rolled down his now damped face. Jack got closer and squeezed him harder.

“She died… three weeks ago…,” his whole body started to shake, “and I miss her… I miss her… too.” He closed his eyes tight and pressed his lips together, trying to keep firm. “I… if you see her there… where you are…please take care of her… for me… You’ll like her. She was… beautiful and smart, like you… mom, and… passionate and curious like you, dad.”

He stopped again for a few seconds to compose himself. “She liked to laugh, and to dance under the moons…humm…moon, and she liked to decorate his hair with wildflowers… and she cooked the best yavetta pancake… “

Daniel’s voice broke completely. His shoulders started to shake harder and thick hot tears streamed uncontrollably along his cheeks. Jack pulled him into a fierce hug and he started to cry in loud soul-wrenching cleansing sobs. Jack held him tightly, pressing his head against his shoulder, and rocked him back and forward. The colonel’s eyes wetted, and tears began to fall from his eyes too.

“I miss them all, Jack, I miss them so much!”

They both stayed there, hugging, crying. Any of them was able to articulate any words, but there wasn’t any need. So much was said in that hug that no words could have expressed it better. They stayed like that for several minutes until Daniel relaxed a bit and could find his breath again. He pulled apart and saw Jack's cheeks were also damp. He cupped the older man’s face with both hands and brushed away the tears with his thumbs.

“Jack, you’re crying.” He looked at the colonel with curiosity.

“I told you, Danny.” Jack’s voice was trembling with emotion. “You don’t have to do this alone. Your pain is my pain. It’s what families do.”

Daniel launched to his neck and hug him again, but this time it wasn’t about grief. It was about love and gratitude. Even if his parents and Sha’re were no longer in his life, he was happy to count on Jack and his other friends at the SGC. He didn’t have that twenty six years ago when his parents died. He had to build a life by himself and he got used to dealing with his joys and sorrows alone. To have someone to share that with, was something new for him, but the feeling was most welcome.

They stayed there for a while, both talking to Daniel’s parents. They told them about Sam, and Teal’c, Janet, the General, Cassie, even about Ferretti’s pranks. Jack told them about Charlie and Sarah. In the end, Daniel felt like a huge weight had started to lift from his heart.

***

Later that evening, they were too worn out to have a decent dinner, so they just brought a couple of sandwiches to the room. They ate fast, had a quick shower, and got ready for bed. Daniel sat on his bed with his back resting on the headboard. He covered himself with the sheet and waited for Jack. He wanted to ask him something. His friend came out of the bathroom dressed in his boxers and an old T-shirt. His damp hair was disheveled in funny spikes.

“Jack, hmm…,” he lowered his gaze, not daring to keep eye contact.

“You ok?”

“Yeah, yeah… it’s just…hmmm… could you…?”

“What?”

“Hmm, nothing, it’s nothing, just…hmm, forget it. Good night, Jack.”

Before he had time to slip under the covers, Jack sat in his bed in front of him.

“Daniel, spill.”

“No, it’s silly, forget it.”

“Danieeeeel?”

The younger man sighed. 

“I was just wondering if you could… hmm, could… hold me… tonight. Itoldyouitwassilly.”

The last part was blurted so fast that Jack almost missed it. At that moment, he really wished that Daniel’s parents had lived much longer. He reached out his hand and tenderly combed the younger man’s strands with his fingers. Daniel’s sky eyes melted on warm chocolate ones.

The colonel lay next to him and prayed to his dick to behave. He was so in love with this man… and the recent events had only increased his love. But this wasn’t a good time for a hard-on. His friend had trusted him with his grief. He spooned behind Daniel, sneaked an arm around his waist and put his hand on his chest, holding him tight.

Daniel closed his eyes. And laying there, feeling Jack's palm over his heart, Daniel could feel his heart beating again.

**The end, for now**


End file.
